Saturday, September 7, 2013

Why I had to go to the PLKN?

Perbarisan Penutup PLKN Lagenda Seri Negeri, Langkawi

I received the call to enlist in the Malaysian National Service Training Programme. I asked for a deferment as I was studying for my Diploma in Computer Science at the Universiti Teknologi MARA (UiTM) Seri Iskandar, Perak at the time. The deferment was repeated yearly until I graduated. 

As soon as I graduated my bachelor degree in January 2013, the Department of National Service Training instructed me to undergo training at the Lagenda Seri Negeri Training Camp, Langkawi Island, Kedah in April 2013. 

During my stint there at the camp, I learned a lot of things which I have entered into my journal. First and foremost, the programme has instilled in me a deep sense of patriotism towards our nation and to defend the sovereignty of our country at all costs.


Pihak Kerajaan : Yang Berhormat, bagaimana dengan yakin YB simpulkan PLKN Bukan Pembina Jati Diri Remaja hanya dengan membaca artikel artikel kebencian dan permusuhan, yang umum tahu ianya sama sekali jauh dari fakta kebenaran.. atau YB dari meja pembangkang sendiri pernah menjalani PLKN? Tuan Yang Dipertua, saya amat berharap ketiga-tiga YB ini dari meja pembangkang terpilih untuk menjalani PLKN, lalu selepas 3 bulan kami di pihak kerajaan akan menyambut baik dengan usul baru mereka iaitu "Program Latihan Khidmat Negara (PLKN) Pembina Jati Diri Remaja".



Usul diterima. Program Latihan Khidmat Negara (PLKN) Pembina Jati Diri Remaja atas rasional;

1. perpaduan
2. pengukuhan jati diri remaja
3. pendekatan modul yang sesuai
read more

Friday, September 6, 2013

PLKN's Journal

April 5th 2013 / Friday

Suhana, Kak Ina, Kak Na and Mom sent me off to the PLKN Lagenda Seri Negeri Camp after we had spent some time riding the Cable Car and watched the 6D show at the cinema.

"Dia takpa, tegheyak (crying) keluaq air mata batu." said Suhana, describing me as being headstrong. Little did she know that deep inside, I was screaming my head off realizing that from now on, I'm not going to enjoy such pleasures.

April 6th 2013 / Saturday

Today is Suhana's birthday.

8:30 am   : TLDM Jetty, Langkawi. It's our first visit there as trainees.
12:30 pm : Lunch
1:30 pm  : Zohor. 

Tazkirah - faedah menyampaikan ilmu. Boleh jadi orang yang mendengar lebih memahami dari orang yang menyampaikan.

2:00 pm : Listen to Nouman Ali Khan's lecture

1. Whoever asks the question, he or she is the one in control over the conversation.
2. We are too occupied with defending Islam and clarifying what it is not when we should be explaining as to what Islam is all about.

4:30 pm   : Asar
6:30 pm   : Dinner
7:30 pm  : Maghrib. 

1. Iqra', bacalah dengan nama TuhanMu.
2. Sesungguhnya manusia itu melampaui batas kerana melihat dirinya serba cukup.

9:30 pm   : Roll call
11:30 pm : Sleep

April 7th 2013 / Sunday

8:45 am   : Modul Pembinaan Karakter (MPK) - Geramji
2:30 pm   : Marching

April 8th 2013 / Monday

8:45 am   : Modul Pembinaan Karakter (MPK) – Tuduh menuduh, Janji, Tanggungjawab
2:30 pm   : Marching
I am easily affected when someone shares with me about the tragedies in their life.
"Hold on, pray." -The Pacific. I don't know how long I have to hold on and pray. I can't hold anymore, but deep inside I know these hardest part will soon pass.
8:00 pm   : After Maghrib, I tested a few of the trainees from Charlie Company on their SMART solat. It's quite exciting as Ustazah has been treating me well.

April 9th 2013 / Tuesday

6:30 am   : Kuliah Subuh.

1. Peliharalah dirimu dan keluargamu dari azab api neraka. 
2. Bertaubat. 
3. Bertanggungjawab. 
4. Perbetulkan niat.

8:45 am  : Modul Pembinaan Karakter (MPK) – Aktiviti Kapal Terbang, Mesin, Membebaskan Kreativiti, Bendera Kumpulan
2:30 pm   : Marching, Photography Session
7:30 pm   : Woo me with the Kalimah of Allah, surely I would melt...

April 10th 2013 / Wednesday

8:45 am   : Modul Pembinaan Karakter (MPK) – Imej vs. Diri Sendiri, Gerak Asli

What I have learned from MPK (SAYA) :

1. Tanggungjawab - "We created humans for a purpose". Be responsible for yourself.
2. Menjadi pendengar yang baik - "Sometimes a thing that's meaningless to us means the whole world to others". Be attentive to others.
3. Imej vs. Diri Sendiri - "Be yourself!"
4. Janji - "Never break your promise!"
5. Pilihan - "Life is a choice and be proud of what you choose!"
6. Kreativiti - "Be more productive, be creative!"
7. Mustahil atau Boleh? - "Nothing is impossible! Just do it."
8. Sikap - "Be positive! Don't be tired of being nice."

April 11th 2013 / Thursday

Going back home, yeah!

April 13th 2013 / Saturday

PTD's exam

April 14th 2013 / Sunday

Week #2
I don't think I would be able to survive until the 21st of June. I don't have any problems with the people here, but I just feel lonely.
To empty one's heart does not mean not to love. It just means to free our heart from false attachments.

April 15th 2013 / Monday

8:45 am   : MPK (KITA) - Tanggungjawab dan Kepimpinan, Aktiviti Gula Gula (menang-menang, kalah menang, kalah kalah)
Generation Gap. I forgot to add some important points in the PTD exam yesterday. The points that I have experienced myself.
Somehow I miss talking about the current politics with Athi. Athi, the intelligent one who can handle my political thoughts. The saddest moment here was when I kept everything bottled inside. I am very sleepy...... maybe later.
I know, it's not good to keep asking why God sent me here... because God knows best, He created us for a purpose. But why me? Why do I have to face this? 

In The Secret, the author asks us to focus on good things.
2:30 pm   : Taklimat Pertolongan Cemas (PC) for 3 days April 15-17th

D = Danger
R = Response
C = Chest Compression
A = Airway
B = Breathing

April 16th 2013 / Tuesday

8:00 am   : Perasmian PLKN Kumpulan 2 Siri 10/2013
10:00 am : Already at the dorm
1. Why must we complain when we have God to turn to?
2. Sihatkanlah aku sebagaimana mereka yang telah Engkau sihatkan.
3. Only God is my survival.
2:30 pm   : Taklimat PC

1. Jenis-jenis berdarah – luar dan dalam
2. Punca berdarah – salur nadi (artery), salur pembuluh (vein), salur perambut (capillary), primary hemorrhage, reactionary, and secondary.
3. Jenis-jenis luka – incised wound and lacerated wound (luka terkoyak).
4. Renjatan
5. Patah - tertutup dan terbuka
6. Balutan
The First Aid briefing is actually quite boring but it's so much more bearable than marching at the field. Anyway, there's just two more days to go till the weekend. My comfort days, Fridays and Saturdays.
The human being is a very complex Creation where no one can explain in detail the way Allah has created us. I just cry out glorifying Allah for every amazing aspect of our being, Subhanallah. Most Pure is He.
"For those who think."

April 17th 2013 / Wednesday

8:45 am   : MPK (KITA) - Saya Betul, Sumbangan, Aktiviti Fugel
8:30 pm   : Kuliah maghrib. 

Kesan-kesan terhadap individu apabila menjadi muslimah sejati :
1. Mengutamakan Allah dalam segala hal
2. Zuhud - tidak cintakan dunia dan segala isinya
Today I found that Allah is sufficient for us. Allah is enough.
Tuhan, don't leave me alone. I miss Min, Lehon, Sheilon, Wada and Athi. I miss them so much that I just couldn't find any words to describe the feeling. :( Tuhan, please relieve me of my sadness. I can't handle it. Demi Tuhan, I miss them a lot. T_T
Kids are always quite concerned about the small matters in their life. They tend to gossip, blame others for this and that, etc. Even I am unable to adapt myself to the way things are over here. I have been conditioned to be selfish over the years, to mind my own business, not to place my hope on others, to just focus on myself and handle my own affairs. How am I supposed to change this attitude overnight? Not that I have ignored my friends. Just that I am used to dealing with my own needs and learn to integrate myself with those around me.
The challenge I have to face here is to keep everything to myself without sharing or depending on anyone. I have to be self-reliant. There are no ways for me to communicate or share my thoughts, ideas or special moments with those around me here for they would not understand. It's the generation gap. Deep inside I suffer on my own. I know that I can't argue, rebel against or raise a complaint because it wouldn't change the circumstances I find myself caught within. I have no choice but to survive on my own.
My heart is devastated. Forgive me Lord for having wasted the opportunity to share with others just how good You are. I promise you that if I were to be someone successful, I will not waste any time in leading others to You again. Deep in my heart, I have always wanted to lead people in worshiping You. I have always harbored the wish to enlighten others as to how Merciful You are. I yearn to be a leader because it's the only way I can improve myself at the same time.

I have nothing whereas You My Lord are everything. I have nothing of my own. All that I have are Yours. Please protect my parents. Forgive them of all their errors. Keep them in good health. 

May we all meet in Paradise.

April 18th 2013 / Thursday

8:45 am   : MPK (KITA) - Matlamat, Mencapai Keputusan, Persembahan

Matlamat - "Everyone can dream".

1. Understanding the whole contents of the Al-Qur'an and putting it to practice.
2. Performing the Umrah and Hajj.
3. Work with an established company and gain working experience for at least 10 years.
4. At age 33, be able to start my own company.
5. Become a leader – Show people the Way of Life, enlighten others as to how Merciful Allah is.
6. Get married (?)
7. Be a productive Muslimah and end up with a successful Mukmin.
8. Meet in person Yasmin Mogahed and Nouman Ali Khan.
9. Become a writer.

Things I have learned:
1. People might not believe in what you say but they will believe in what you do.
2. Well done is much better than well said. 
11:30 pm   : I wish to write more here but I am just too tired...... so till later then. Good night.

April 19th 2013 / Friday

I gossiped to someone about him a few days ago. Now, I feel like she will spill the beans! I know I am supposed to trust no one here but I just can't seal my lips. I am just human and was a bit too excited and careless back then!
1. "You are the apple of my eye." - someone
2. Come to think of someone who tends to use logical mumbo jumbo when he talks.
3. I feel pity for my parents when my siblings and I left the nest.
Now I can accept the facts for the purpose that I am now here. I would spend my good and bad times for the sake of Allah. I believe Allah has planned something better for me. I will face no matter what comes my way because deep inside I am expecting much more worse than this. :)
They ask me why their boyfriends cannot love only one person? An individual who is already involved with someone else shouldn't belong to another, should they?

Of course an individual shouldn't belong to another but the idea that the individual can only love one person at any one time is somewhat artificial and false – a situation coming out of a particular time, place, and culture.

April 20th 2013 / Saturday

1. Beauty is skin deep.
2. I am family oriented.
2. I am not dependent on the phone. I can live without telephones but I just can't live without the internet. Surprisingly, I can still survive!
4. We gain knowledge not just for today and only God knows when we will get to use it.
8: 00 am   : Meeting with the Commandant.

Today I found myself a bit nervous when I had to speak before a group of people.  It's been quite some since I spoke before a crowd or felt comfortable with a new audience.

How was their response? The response was quite good actually and from that I now know who my true friends are.

2:30 pm   : Financial Management (

1. Money is not everything but everything needs money.
2. Pendapatan aktif + pendapatan pasif
3. Masuk > Keluar = Lebihan Tunai
4. Keluar < Masuk = Defisit Tunai
5. Live within your means

5:00 pm   : Laughing out loud! I heard through the grapevine that some people had been talking behind my back regarding my opinions (read: complain) this morning. LOL. Things that they will never know or understand :

1. I once gave my opinion or criticism about my History Teacher (during Form 4). Later, all the teachers were gossiping about me at the Teachers Room.  LOL!  But looking at the bright side, my History Teacher amended her style of teaching and I got better grades in History.
2. I just focus on good things. I am too engaged with what I do and have no time to waste and be bothered with what people talk behind me.
3. Get into trouble, make mistakes, and learn from them. :)
4. We can't change the response that we would receive but we can change the way how we handle them. :)
5. People will never stop talking. That's nature. Just laugh it away! Hahaha
6. Regardless of all the above, I am okay.

April 21st 2013 / Sunday

1. Once you begin to see everything beautiful as only a reflection of God's beauty, you will learn to love in the right way - for His sake.
2. Everything and everyone you love will be for, through and because of Him.
3. Sungguh, perjalanan ini amat meletihkan kecuali bagi orang-orang yang bersabar.
4. Apalah gunanya bila di jiwa kita masih lagi hijau dan mentah...
5. Quiet people - They never share anything about their work until it gets accomplished.

End of MPK (KITA).
2:30 pm   : Sukan Kreativiti

April 22nd 2013 / Monday

8:45 am   : Modul Budaya Kerja (MBK) – Peningkatan produktiviti, Pembentukan organisasi
2:30 pm   : Sukan Kreativiti
8 days left. It's time to let go of all attachments. :( Being at the office, which always made me happy, having the relevant people there and everything else that I have so come to love but have to let go for the sake of Allah. It hurt me a bit when Madam was so harsh this morning. Same with Ustazah. Today is a perplexing day. Were my mistakes that big? I am sorry, I never meant to be critic but I had to just because I don't want to meet Allah in a sweaty way and I prefer to spend at least 10 minutes a day in reciting the Quran rather than be punished by having to climb up and down the stairs. I feel so sorry for being myself...

April 23rd 2013 / Tuesday

8:45 am   : Modul Budaya Kerja (MBK) – 10 Budaya Kerja, Soalan, Temuduga

1. Menepati Masa
2. Kemahiran Teknologi
3. Kreatif
4. Fasih Berbahasa
5. Integriti
6. Terbuka
7. Ahli Pasukan
8. Kepimpinan
9. Komited
10. Bertanggungjawab

2:30 pm : Ikhtiar Hidup Perkhemahan (IHP) – Jerat, Survival Food, Pondok

If I could just turn back time...

I hate having to enter the jungle! I hate wearing this camouflage! I hate such activities in the jungle! I hate camping!!

And I hate Izzuddin from the very first time I met him!
Kids always think that they are wiser when they are friends with many people. That's not true, kid! Search for the real one - who is there to back you up when you fall. 

It's also true that if you wanted to see how smart one is by first listening to his or her words. Then you will know what's on their mind. 

So who are the good minds for you to keep company with? Bebear, Fatin, Hema, Thatchu, Ana, Leeda and Asma. I like them just because they don't talk that much. They are good listeners. They talk only when necessary.

April 24th 2013 / Wednesday

8:45 am   : Modul Budaya Kerja (MBK) – 5 Jenis Pengamal, Origami Burung, Pameran
2:30 pm   : Ikhtiar Hidup Perkhemahan (IHP) @ Camping Survival Skills (CSS) – Masak, SOS, Khemah

Today is the second day of CSS. I don't find anything interesting about that. Camping is okay, but it's not really my cup of tea. I prefer indoor activities. Oh yes, it's just a week more to be back home. Hold on.

SOS – Source of Soul
1. Calm down 2. Use compass 3. Cari sungai 4. Cermin 5. Api 6. Isyarat batu 7. Pokok 8. Baju 9. Wisel – 6x tiupan pendek, pause, 6x tiupan pendek 10. Torchlight 11. Bentuk –V (kami memerlukan bantuan), X (ada mangsa cedera), I (kami memerlukan doktor), II (kami memerlukan bantuan perubatan, F (Food)
A day before my period, I led the Maghrib prayers at the dorm. Since then, they called me Imam LOL. They also call me CEO just because I was the CEO of Fruits & Flowers Company during the Work Ethics Module @ Modul Budaya Kerja but most of the adik-adik here called me Kak Lina, Kak Lin or just Kak.

April 25th 2013 / Thursday

8:45 am   : Modul Budaya Kerja (MBK) – Pameran, Erti Terima Kasih

I wrote 3 separate letters to Mak, Ayah, and Suhana when it was time for us to write "Thank You" letters. I was given a limited time to write everything but it never stopped me from saying "Thank you". Thank you Mak! Thank you Ayah! Thank you Suhana!

Come to think of it, I am not supposed to let Mak, Ayah, and Suhana know! Embarrassed... because I wrote it wholeheartedly! I cried while I was writing those letters. Sigh, so ashamed.

1. There is comfort in knowing that Someone always sees our struggles.
2. He is closer than our own self.

12:00 pm   : Lawatan Ketua Pengarah JLKN, Dato' Abdul Hadi

Back when I was a kid, I used to wonder why people must greet VIP's like that. We are all the same people. There's no difference between us at all.

1. Strange are the Believers. They see good in bad things. They grateful for the little that they get and are patient during every hardship.
2. "Stay positive. Open your heart to accept it". - Dato' Abdul Hadi
3. "Focus on good things". -The Secret

Cikgu Mai and Ustazah teased me that I will become famous when I am shown on the RTM news tonight. It doesn't mean anything to me.

2:30 pm   : Ikhtiar Hidup Perkhemahan (IHP) – Navigasi & Kompas

April 26th 2013 / Friday

When Suhana didn't tell Mak and Ayah, I was devastated. I felt like how could Suhana do this? :( The other disappointing thing was why there was no such email from UOB? Why they promising me this and that? :(

April 27th 2013 / Saturday

Woke up early today and settled my laundry. Went to have breakfast at 8 am and got my BSN ATM card.

April 28th 2013 / Sunday

8:45 am   : Modul Kesejahteraan Hidup (MKH) – Jantina, Kekeluargaan
The results for Form 6 and Matriculation were announced and I realized that everyone whom I was close to were going to leave me. Bebear got her Matriculation at Johor, Hema got hers in Perak, and Fatin was accepted for Matriculation in Pahang. Just when you were getting closer to someone, they are forced to leave you. But I am okay because I know people are bound to just keep coming and going.

1:30 pm  : Tazkirah Zohor

1. Selalu solat Subuh dan Isya' berjemaah 
2. Solat 2 rakaat sebelum subuh lebih baik daripada apa yang ada dalam isi dunia.

2:30 pm   : Ikhtiar Hidup Perkhemahan (IHP) – Mengelak Halangan & Ukur Jarak
You can do anything to me. Break me, shake me but don't ever leave me without ink and paper.

April 29th 2013 / Monday

8:45 am   : Modul Kesejahteraan Hidup (MKH) – Pembangunan Kemahiran, Hidup Tanpa Keganasan, Pelan Tindakan

April 30th 2013 / Tuesday

8:00 am : Going back home!

May 5th 2013 / Sunday

General Election 2013

May 7th 2013 / Tuesday

Interview (SFFP Technology and Consultant)

May 8th 2013 / Wednesday

May 11th 2013 / Saturday

Program Penghayatan Sastera & Budaya (PPSB)

All I could think about PPSB was how nice it was when everyone applauded for me!

"Bila orang puji kita, kembalikan pujian itu kepada Allah dengan mengucapkan Alhamdulillah." -Ayah

You don't own anything. Allah does.

May 12th 2013 / Sunday

8:00 am   : Netball training
2:30 pm   : I was exempted from swimming class today! Yeay! MC
I've read about half of the book now and it's been pretty good so far. :)

May 13th 2013 / Monday

8:00 am   : Sports Carnival
Last night I was reminded about the 6th Principle of Faith @ Rukun Iman (Qada dan Qadar) which made me realize just how lucky I am to be having someone who always reminds me about Almighty Allah.

May 14th 2013 / Tuesday

8:00 am   : AADK Programme

The Uda and Dara stories made me think... We always blame the Decider without thinking about Qada and Qadar. Did the decider want it to be that way? Did the decider ask to be placed there? So, who should we blame now? Should we blame God?

This is normally what society tends to think. They would blame you as the one who's guilty. They never look at the bright side and consider those problems as a test from Him.

2:45 pm   : AADK Programme
1. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they imagine me to be.
2. She has God to give her value; she doesn't need a man to do this.

May 15th 2013 / Wednesday

8:00 am   : Taklimat Sambung Belajar
2:30 pm   : Latihan Tali Tinggi

May 16th 2013 / Thursday

Going back home. Convocation's day just around the corner!

May 18th 2013 / Saturday

Pre Convocation

May 20th 2013 / Monday

My big day

May 25th 2013 / Saturday

Hi. Sorry for my hiatus for a while. It seems that a week has gone past without me jotting down anything. Yeah, people always say that you will run out of ideas if you're feeling happy and it's just like a machine gun shooting out bullets when you write in an emotional state of mind. That's true. It happened to me just now. 


May 26th 2013 / Sunday

Everyone that I was close to were leaving. Fatin, Bebear, Hema, and Yaya. This leaves Bravo (B) with just 9 trainees and Bravo (A) 11 trainees. As such Bravo company were asked to move in to the Alpha (B) dorm which is nearer to the Dining Hall @ Dewan Makan (DM). 

Everyone was a bit upset when we were asked to move because they were getting attached to the Bravo block from day one. I didn't mind at all. But due to such a move, it would be quite a distance from the surau which made me feel not that keen. The good thing was being nearer to the Dining Hall @ DM! Hehehe.

The annoying thing about moving to the new dorm is the irritating loud speaker which keeps  squawking out its announcements every now and then. Huh

May 27th 2013 / Monday

8:30 am   : Kelas Kenegaraan - menyemai semangat patriotisme
I miss Allah. I really wanted to feel like this - being so attached to Him. Forgive me God for the weeks that I forgot You. I never meant it. 

"Permudahkanlah jalan ini, hanya kepadaMu aku berharap". Here, I am, Amalina who was ready to let go all attachments which made my heart sink. Sorry, there's something much more greater than to love and be loved.

"Letakkanlah kami di tempat yang terbaik di dunia dan di akhirat". Tuhan, maafkanlah kami atas kesilapan kami. Janganlah Engkau menghukum kami. I am so moved. I really hope Allah will send someone new to help me in this journey in remembering Allah. Always.

June 2nd 2013 / Sunday

Today is the Elections day. That means every registered voter contributes to cast their vote to form the government. And we are allowed to dress up. Thatchu, Ram and I just wore our tracksuits and T-shirts while others were all so dolled up. I found Cikgu Linda to be a very nice and kind person. I love her way.

Talking about elections, it's reminds me of my ex UiTM Seri Iskandar Campus Director, Prof Dr. Abdullah Said. First thing that he would ask during the interview is, "Have you registered as a voter?" If we had yet to, he would say, "If you can't do such a simple thing as this for the country, how can I trust you with an important position?".

It's all about responsibility and accountability.

June 3rd 2013 / Monday

Aku bukanlah seorang perwira, gagah menghunus senjata, namun aku rela berjuang, walau dengan cara sendiri, demi cinta ini.... This is not a typical programme you know! It's not.

I am a kind of person who owns a soft heart. It's very easy to touch. Yes, when Cikgu Farah told us the 'Leftenan Adnan' story... deep inside, I cried. I saw that both Cikgu Linda and Cikgu Farah cried as well. It made me so emotional. Oh Tuhan, Kau rahmatilah perjuangan Leftenan Adnan.

I am so worried about the future of my country. What would happen if there are no more good leaders? And what do you have to give to your country? And who would make sure everything is fine?

I must give something to my own country! I love this country, I love our freedom, I love Malaysia. I don't want to be occupied again. I don't want to see my future children suffer in their own land. Please give me a hand to save this country.

June 4th 2013 / Tuesday

It made me feel so disappointed when all the efforts that we did during such a long time gets destroyed in a blink of the eye. "Betapa perpaduan itu mudah untuk disebut tapi susah untuk dilaksanakan." -Tunku Abdul Rahman. It made me realize that everything would be lost if we are not united and fight for what we love!

June 6th 2013 / Thursday

I totally enjoyed the Nationhood Module and gave my 100% involvement. It's good to know that I was completely at ease and made each day count. It's just 15 more days to go. So what have I gained? Quite a lot, I must say!

1. Getting closer to Allah – praying in congregation, reciting the Quran, Subuh sessions and deliberations.
2. All other nice people
3. National Patriotism – DKRT
4. Met all kinds of people
5. Sisterhood
6. Gave and learned something

Why is it that when we have met someone who suits us, circumstances would not give us the opportunity to get together? And why is it that when the situation seems good, we seldom get to meet someone who suit us? Why?
I quite miss my parents.      

June 9th 2013 / Sunday

8:00 am   : Khidmat Komuniti – Gotong Royong at LISRAM

It's depends on you how you treat people. Personally, I feel that depending on how nice or bad you had been treating others, you will get its retribution.  And no matter how you get caught up in life, keep on going braving it. Keep your head up and move on.

2:30 pm : Dry Run - Latihan Kering

June 11th 2013 / Tuesday

1. There is a saying that "time heals all wounds", and so it was with me.
2. I was crazy about his smile!
3. Whenever I went to the Dining Hall @ DM, I kept on hoping that I would get to see him.
4. I had this feeling all the time that something fine would grow between us. :)

June 14th 2013 / Friday

7 days more to go. Oh God, I can't wait to get out from here. Well, I am already missing home.
Midnight: There are warnings that something is wrong. I need to detach. I really wanted to detach from all false attachments. I am a bit upset actually but no worries, I can still handle it.

June 15th 2013 / Saturday

I refuse to write a lot today because I am not in a good mood. Surely I will curse in my writing. Yeah, it's quite upsetting today because we didn't get back our phones. Pity me and friends.

My hatred towards the TKP is increased to a higher level now. I hate him so very much! Pergi mampus kau! We have not even been notified the reasons why we are not getting back our phones. Heartless and very cruel is the TKP. I would not forgive him to the day that I shall die!

If the reason was due to some crucial cases before in the camp, why you have to be unjust to innocent people like us? Why???  Your heart stinks and is so cruel!!

See! I hate to write when my heart is full with hatred.
I don't know if it's mixed feeling or not. I am actually upset about 2 things.

I am not going to put my heart in the same spot again where it was hurt so many, many times before. Yes, I am such a pessimist.
What I didn't realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing and one thing only - love of this earthly life!

June 16th 2013 / Sunday

1. It's horrible to know that you can never really confide in people, even to those nearest to you.
2. I am longing, so longing for everything. To be able to talk, for freedom, for friends, to be alone. And I do so long.... to cry! I feel as if I am going to burst, and I know that it would get better with crying but I can't.
3. I desperately want to be alone.
4. My head is haunted by so many wishes and thoughts, accusations and reproaches.

June 20th 2013 / Thursday

June 21st 2013 / Friday

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Friday, August 16, 2013

Friday, July 26, 2013

Ramadhan #17

Apabila keletihan jasad menjejaskan prestasi ibadat, barulah ku sedari betapa kembara rohani ini masih terlalu jauh...  

kerana muttaqin (orang bertaqwa) itu beribadah dengan kekuatan hatinya bukan jasadnya. -Pahrol Mohd Juoi 
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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Ini Bukan Review,

Dulu, F akan mengadu kenapa aku dan dia perlu bertengkar atas berlainan pendapat. Dalam hati, aku senyum. Aku tidak pernah memberitahu bahawa aku kagum dengan setiap pendapatnya dan aku perlukan pergaduhan itu supaya aku sentiasa merasa kagum.

"Mereka jarang serasi, setiap masa sepertinya harus ada perbincangan. Menegakkan pendirian sendiri. Namun dalam diam, hati mereka tidak dapat menahan daripada merasa kagum dengan pendapat yang lain. Jadi mereka sentiasa mencari jalan untuk mereka bertengkar, sepertinya ia sesuatu perkara yang paling menarik dalam hubungan mereka itu mungkin", -Orang Hodoh Cantik.

Aku dan F pernah bertengkar kenapa bakal company perlu dinamakan Tisu Putih. Bukankah tisu itu umum sudah tahu warnanya putih, dan bukankah sifat tisu itu lembik dan mudah pula terkoyak? Aku soal demi untuk merasa kagum pada dirinya yang berpendirian dan punya pendapat sendiri.

Ianya tidak hanya pada Tisu Putih, kami bertengkar pada isu sebesar besar negara hinggalah sekecil kecil perkara sehingga ke seluar dalam. Semuanya cantik disulam fakta dan logik akal. Sampai satu masa....

"Ia merupakan sesuatu yang gila. Ia sesuatu yang tidak seimbang. Bila sesuatu pertengkaran menjadi luar kawalan, it gets ugly dan melukakan". -Orang Hodoh Cantik

Aku hidup dengan pesimis. Bertahun aku percaya bahawa aku takkan temui pengganti kalau aku masih kekalkan sikap tengkar ini. Dan bertahun juga aku tak temui bagaimana harmoni dan damai serta kesamaan boleh menguatkan ikatan.

Tapi, Orang Hodoh Cantik beri harapan baru bahawa aku perlu kekal aku dan kau ada di mana mana. Tiba masa, kita berjumpa. Walau bukan di sini, aku tidak terkilan dengan percaturan tuhan, dia lebih tahu di mana selayaknya kita dipertemukan.

sebahagian dari gila engkau
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Friday, April 5, 2013

Aku dan PLKN

Selesai menjawab Bahasa Melayu kertas 2, aku sudah tahu aku bukan dalam kelompok A1 lagi - aku tak yakin. Tambahan pula, aku memilih untuk menulis sesuatu yang bukan dari pengalaman. 


Program Latihan Khidmat Negara (PLKN) Bukan Pembina Jati Diri Remaja atas rasional PLKN hanya faktor sisipan dalam pembentukan jati diri remaja. Premis ini disokong oleh hujah ketiga kami iaitu PLKN tidak sesuai untuk remaja berdasarkan 3 fakta kes.

Fakta kes pertama, tujuan sebenar PLKN dilancarkan adalah untuk menangani masalah sosial dalam kalangan remaja. Namun hakikatnya ia menampakkan kelemahan iaitu berlakunya pergaulan bebas antara pelatih lelaki dan perempuan, pergaduhan, pakaian harian pelatih yang tidak senonoh, dan penggunaan telefon bimbit untuk mengadu dan menghasut pelatih lain, tambahan pula sikap jurulatih yang hanya memandang sebelah mata masalah ini. Hal ini dapat dibuktikan melalui penglibatan setiap pelatih dalam hampir semua aktiviti. Pergaulan antara pelatih yang tidak terkawal akan menyebabkan berlakunya masalah sosial di dalam kem.

Tuan Yang Dipertua,

Fakta kes yang kedua, tentang pendedahan penggunaan senjata api kepada pelatih sememangnya tidak sesuai lantaran usia mereka yang masih boleh dianggap setahun jagung. Penggunaan senjata api hanya sesuai kepada orang dewasa yang sudah mempunyai akal fikiran yang matang. Perancangan pihak kerajaan yang ingin mendedahkan kemahiran penggunaan senjata api seolah menggalakkan golongan remaja melibatkan diri dalam peperangan dan ini secara tidak langsung mendorang remaja untuk melakukan jenayah.

Dan fakta kes yang ketiga Tuan Yang Dipertua, tempoh penyertaan PLKN selama 3 bulan menuntut remaja meninggalkan tanggungjawab semasa, sebelum menyertai PLKN. Tuan Yang Dipertua, suka untuk saya ingatkan bahawa tidak semua remaja yang terlibat dengan PLKN berasal dari kehidupan yang berada dan mewah. Ada segelintir remaja yang terpaksa bekerja untuk meringankan beban keluarga. Jika remaja tersebut terlibat dengan PLKN maka ianya akan menjejaskan pendapatan keluarga. Jika tidak menghadirkan diri, maka tindakan mahkamah pula akan dikenakan. Hal ini terbukti apabila Ahmad Hafizal Ahmad Fauzi telah menjadi remaja pertama yang dihukum atas kesalahan tidak menghadiri PLKN pada Julai 2004 lalu ekoran daripada kesempitan hidup yang memaksa dia bekerja untuk menyara keluarga.

Pihak Kerajaan : Izin laluan Yang Berhormat...


Untuk berhadapan peringkat separuh akhir, persiapan rapi dibuat. Kami berempat - Amalina, Amira, Azlan, dan Asyikin hari-hari akan disuap tentang masalah-masalah/keburukan-keburukan menyertai PLKN agar usul kami diterima "Program Latihan Khidmat Negara (PLKN) Bukan Pembina Jati Diri Remaja".

Bahasa Melayu kertas 2 memang perlu aku risaukan kerana aku pilih "Kebaikan PLKN" daripada 5 tajuk lain yang diberi. Ironinya, seorang pembangkang yang mati-mati mahukan kemenangan di separuh akhir sedang menggangguk-angguk usaha murni kerajaan ketika menjawab kertas 2 bahasa melayu. Ha ha ha.

Well, kami layak ke pusingan akhir. Baca ini dan ini,


Pihak Kerajaan : Yang Berhormat, bagaimana dengan yakin YB simpulkan PLKN Bukan Pembina Jati Diri Remaja hanya dengan membaca artikel artikel kebencian dan permusuhan, yang umum tahu ianya sama sekali jauh dari fakta kebenaran.. atau YB dari meja pembangkang sendiri pernah menjalani PLKN? Tuan Yang Dipertua, saya amat berharap ketiga-tiga YB ini dari meja pembangkang terpilih untuk menjalani PLKN, lalu selepas 3 bulan kami di pihak kerajaan akan menyambut baik dengan usul baru mereka iaitu "Program Latihan Khidmat Negara (PLKN) Pembina Jati Diri Remaja".


Sumpahan kerajaan suatu ketika dulu nampaknya menjadi

Hoi tunggu aku balik, June nanti aku cerita PLKN ni pembina jati diri remaja atau idak. 
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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Keep your circle tight, your family close

Anti social. "Tipu lah".

I am not friendly. "Camni tak friendly?"

It's hard for me to make friends. " Aku tengok kau okay je".


Susah untuk kau percaya, namun percayalah cakap kakton hahahahaha.

Okay okay, serious. I am actually a somewhat shy person. Never like big gathering or function, meeting people, and paling tak best ice breaking. Pehal nak kena introduce introduce pulak. Aku selalu fikir, tak boleh ke biar takdir, kejadian atau peristiwa je yang pertemukan.

2. I am not open up to the idea of accepting others in to my circle easily. 

3. Having a few friends already enough for me.

Jadi betul lah apa yang orang nampak ianya hanyalah pada literal semata. The truth is, orang orang yang buat aku friendly-gila-rapat-macam-tak-boleh-dipisahkan itu adalah orang orang yang sama dan orang orang dari circle yang sama.

"People come into your life for a reason or as a lesson".
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..wa bil walidaini ihsana

Mak cakap kalau ikut umur nabi, tahun ni dah tiba masanya untuk dia pergi - pergi mengadap tuhan.

Ini membuatkan aku lebih sedih nak tinggalkan rumah.
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Saturday, March 30, 2013


1. Mengejar kerana keadaan - kawan, tuntutan masyarakat, trend, self actualization needs (what a man can be, he must be), dan apa saja keadaan yang buatkan kau membandingkan hasil dengan manusia lain.

2. Mengejar kerana matlamat (goal). Ianya lebih menuntut kau mempunyai passion. Ah, tak kisah lah berapa lama harus kau bersabar dan berusaha, kau masih-tetap-mahu, masih berdegil mahukan itu. Dan di penghujungnya kau membandingkan hasil dengan matlamat kau sendiri, yang sama sekali mengetepikan soal manusia lain. 

Kau jenis yang bagaimana?

"When a goal matters enough to a person, that person will find a way to accomplish what at first seemed impossible". -Nido Qubein
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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Layanilah wanita-wanita kamu dengan baik dan berlemah lembutlah terhadap mereka,

Dalam sebulan itu akan ada beberapa hari yang kau takkan faham tingkah dan perilakunya.

Ketahuilah di sebalik muka bengis, seluruh anggotanya lemah.

Lemah pada fizikal tapi emosinya terlalu kuat.

Tidak perlu difahami tentang semuanya. Jagalah dia, kasihi sebaiknya, layan selayaknya kerana dia seorang wanita.

Hanya beberapa hari anehnya, Hanya beberapa hari peliknya.

Hanya dalam sesuatu tempoh.

Tempoh sakit.
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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

My Det

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Sunday, March 24, 2013

Deco 2.0 (iii)

Sambungan Deco 2.0 (ii),

Perdana Menteri (Amira): Ilmu keibubapaan asas perpaduan masyarakat atas rasional ilmu keibubapaan menjadi tapak mula kepada seseorang anggota masyarakat mendominasikan nilai-nilai perpaduan. Premis ini berdasarkan hujah bahawa ibubapa ialah unit terkecil dalam satu-satu bangsa yang menjadi asas pembentukan masyarakat supaya bersatupadu. Pendek kata Tuan Yang Dipertua, kukuh perpaduan keluarga.. kukuhlah perpaduan bangsa, runtuh perpaduan keluarga.. runtuhlah perpaduan masyarakat dan bangsa.

Tuan Yang Dipertua,

Dato' Mohd Tahir Ramly, Konsultan Yayasan Dakwah telah menyatakan bahawa masyarakat runtuh disebabkan anggotanya mengamalkan sikap individualistik dan ianya tersebar ke seluruh dunia. Dalam keadaan ini, amat sukar untuk kita wujudkan perpaduan dalam kalangan masyarakat.

Justeru itu Tuan Yang Dipertua, ilmu keibubapaan memainkan peranan penting dalam mendidik anak-anak dengan secukupnya. Fakta kes pertama yang menyokong hujah ini ialah pengetahuan ibubapa yang mendalam tentang didikan agama. Hal ini adalah kerana pendidikan agama adalah teras dalam pembentukan corak pergaulan anak-anak. Tambahan lagi dalam situasi kini Tuan Yang Dipertua, terdapat anasir-anasir luar yang dapat memecahbelahkan perpaduan masyarakat tetapi dengan adanya pengetahuan yang mendalam tentang selok belok perpaduan yang berasaskan didikan agama, ianya mampu untuk menangkis ancaman ini.

Tuan Yang Dipertua,

Fakta kes kedua yang menyokong hujah.....


Sampai di sini saja kisah deco. Patutnya aku upload gambar sebelum dan selepas deco, tapi aku ceritakan nota yang aku temui herherher.

Kontrak deco aku akan berakhir hujung mac ini yay!
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Sunday, March 10, 2013

Happiness consists not in having much, but in being content with little.

Date : March 6th, 2013
Time : 6pm
Location : Pantai Murni

Living life - as long as you love what you do.

Punya ibu, ayah, adik adik, dan dapur yang sempurna. Itu sudah cukup baginya. Bukan object yang melengkapkan tapi jiwa yang membahagiakan -

yang sentiasa mengingatkan perhambaan pada tuhan,
yang sentiasa ada dalam susah senang,
yang sentiasa rai untuk setiap kemenangan,

maka memang selayaknya kamu bahagia dengan kecukupan itu.
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Friday, March 1, 2013

Why do we hate those who love us?

Dia memohon maaf dengan apa yang terjadi.

Mahal harga untuk satu keampunan.


Tadi semasa menolak troli, aku terfikirkan - mengenai sebatang kara dan kehidupan sunyinya. Kalau tidak kerana sensitiviti hak yang diperjuangkan, sudah tentu troli lebih laju mengambil apa saja dan kegembiraan untuk setiapnya pasti jelas.

Tapi, hambar itu terasa.


MPH. Quiet, English FE, Jebe The Super-Morpher, and Manzil Resam Uthmani.

Dan aku tukarkan semuanya dengan 2 voucher.

Berjam memilih buat aku lupa seketika. Dan mungkin aku perlu manfaatkan setiap satu untuk aku lupa dengan banyaknya. Dan apabila ia kembali, aku perlu habiskan apa ada lalu memasuki dunia - melupai selamanya.


Aku minta supaya didoakan setiap kali lepas solatnya.
Aku mengadu setiap kali dibebelkan.
Aku minta dibelanjakan.
Aku cerita semua kebencian, kesukaan.

Aku boleh terima semua.

Tapi tidak untuk satu hubungan.

"We accept the love we think we deserve", -Perks of Being Wallflower
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Friday, February 22, 2013

Officially Graduated

Amboi, indah betul perasaan ini --perasaan di mana sama seperti menewaskan 10 pro gamers. Ihiks.
The result was published on February 15, 2013 and I am officially graduated! :)
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Monday, February 11, 2013

Deco 2.0 (ii)

Rekayasa : penerapan unsur unsur ilmu, budaya, dan sebagainya dalam perancangan mekanisme kerja dan lain lain sebagai asas untuk melaksanakan sesuatu.

Spekulasi : pendapat tanpa fakta

Ilmu keibubapaan : pengetahuan yang berkaitan dengan peranan dan tanggungjawab ibu bapa terhadap anak anak dalam hal dunia, akhirat, zahir, dan batin.

YB Menteri kedua (Azlan) : ....walaupun ilmu keibubapaan merupakan unit terkecil dalam sesebuah masyarakat namun peranannya dalam pembentukan asas perpaduan amatlah besar. Cuba kita bayangkan dewan Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Ibrahim yang kukuh lagi tegap ini sebagai perpaduan yang erat tetapi jika satu tiang kita patahkan sudah pastilah dewan yang tersergam ini akan roboh menyembah bumi.

Pembangkang : Izin laluan yang berhormat...

Pertandingan Bahas Ala Parlimen Peringkat Negeri Kedah, 2006.

p/s: berharap akan menemui nota nota seterusnya. ahhhh menyesal dulu tak simpan bebaik.
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